I used to have a quotation taped to my desk from an actor saying the best piece of acting advice he had received, something like, “Always be listening, not just pretending to listen, but really listen.”
As an actor, I loved that advice. You have likely seen a school, or amateur production with untrained performers. They wait their turn as the other actor finishes their line, then they speak their line in turn. And it’s wonderful that they were able to memorize their lines and speak them in the correct order. But you can easily see that they are not really listening to each other, but listening for their cue, the last words in the other person’s line, to say their line.
(My acting coach despised when audience members after a show stated their amazement that we could memorize so many lines—“That’s what impressed you, my ability to memorize?”)
When those actors don’t really listen, you, the audience, immediately recognize that there was no connection between the actors; that one person’s dramatic line had zero real impact on the other actor, that their response was not driven by a genuine reaction to the words scoring a direct hit. Instead, speak when it’s your turn.
And that same advice (really listen) is wonderful for doctors. You must listen to your patients. As I pointed out in Playing Doctor; Book One, we were repeatedly instructed that the number one reason doctors are hit with lawsuits, is not because of a bad outcomes, but because people feel that they were not listened to.
Patients seeing me for a second opinion would often say, “I just don’t think the doctor even heard me. Just handed me some prescriptions.” It was more important that they felt their physician had taken time to listen, and understand their complaints or concerns—which you’d think was an essential part of the profession.
It’s the same in all aspects of life, children want to know that their parents are actually listening to them, not just nodding their heads, (we parents get called out on that early); in a relationship, nobody likes to feel patronized that their partner is not really listening to real concerns.
Take time to listen – some of the best advice you can receive as an actor (essential to dictating an authentic response that dictates your reaction)—and trust me, good writing plays from one line to the next driving the scene as real life, we listen and respond. And as a doctor, not just to avoid being sued, but to provide the best care to your patients. And in all aspects of life…it does often take more time, energy, and work – but the frustrations, lost connection, artificial moments are far more costly.